woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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