Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
