I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
