you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you win again, gameday.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
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the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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