and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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