I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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