Your dad touched me again.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
