You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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