We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
