Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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