She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
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I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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