You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
