someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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