The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We need to rekindle our bromance
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
