one two three fourrrrnication!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it's like iHOP with fire
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
