A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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