I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
