sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
