TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
