yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
