Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
