How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
