return my video game
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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