I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
