My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
