Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
