so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she smelled like a LAN party
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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