She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So squirting runs in the family.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
