Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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