Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
