Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
