She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
