Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Your dad touched me again.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
