I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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