If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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