Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
People in love make me want to vomit
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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