i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
