You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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