Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
