I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
In America we eat man semen.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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