I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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