it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
