Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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