she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My vagina is officially offended.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
