My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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