Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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