If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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