So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
