this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
