it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
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The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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