OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize