p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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