ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
