you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
