Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
