Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
