Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize