I think my fart just growled at me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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