you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
