is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
