Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
