even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
