shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
