I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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