Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
