her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
