you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
