Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
