do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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