the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
