I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
