So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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