I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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