So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
