how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The ass gains better be worth it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
