There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You had me at "let me see your balls"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
