Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
