I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
