i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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