OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
