I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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