Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
