I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
