Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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